funny jokes

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, "When i get to heaven I will ask Jonah."

The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"

The little girl replied, "Then you ask him?"


Let the fact be stated that i am scared of whales. I just posted this cuz its funny



There once was a bear& a rabbit that hated each other. One day they found a genie in a lamp who said he would grant them each 3 wishes.The bear went first and he said,"I wish to be the only male bear in this forrest." And he got his wish.
The rabbit said, "I want a motorcycle helmet." And he got his wish.

The bear went up and said, "I wish to be the only male bear in the U.S. and all the rest were female." And he got his wish.

The rabbit said, "I wish I had a motorcycle to go w/ that helmet." And he got his wish.

The bear said, "I wish I was the only male bear in the world, and all the rest were females." And he got his wish.

Then It was the rabbit's turn, and he said, "I wish that bear was gay."


this is this cat
this is is cat
this is how cat
this is to cat
this is keep cat
this is a cat
this is loser cat
this is busy cat
this is for cat
this is forty cat
this is seconds cat
go back to the top and read the 3rd word of each line.


Some ?s to ponder while I am away....
Why can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
Isn't it scary that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?
If you try to fail and succeed, which have you done?
I will leave you to ponder...


It is with the saddest heart that I pass on the following. Please join me in remembering a great icon. The Pillsbury Dough boy died yesterday of a yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was only 51. Dough boy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay there
Respects, including Mrs. Butter worth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins,
Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies and Captain Crunch.

The gravesite was piled high with flours, as long-time friend Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Dough boy rose quickly in show business but his later life was
Filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, he even still, as a crusty old man, was considered a roll model for millions. Toward the end it was thought that he would rise again, but alas, he was no tart.

Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play Dough, two children, John Dough and Jane Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his
Elderly father, Pop Tart. The funeral was held at 3:50 for about twenty minutes


Homework: (Noun) a punishment given to students by evil teachers after the students have already put in 7 hours of hard labor. (See evil, torture, wrong, cruel, unjust, satan, crap)


A guy was driving when a policeman pulled him over. He rolled
down his window and said to the officer, "Is there a problem,
Officer?"
"No problem at all. I just observed your safe driving and am
pleased to award you a $5,000 Safe Driver Award. Congratulations.
What do you think you're going to do with the money?"
He thought for a minute and said, "Well, I guess I'll go get that
drivers' license."
The lady sitting in the passenger seat said to the policeman,
"Oh, don't pay attention to him - he's a smartass when he's drunk
and stoned."
The guy from the back seat said, "I TOLD you guys we wouldn't get
far in a stolen car!"
At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a muffled
voice said, "Are we over the border yet?"


Once there was a man moving to Florida from Illinois. His wife would meet him there the next day. He sent her an e-mail but speeled the address wrong and ended up going to an old lady whos husband recently had passed away. The lady read the message and after fell on the floor dead. The message read
Dearest Wife,
I just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
P.S. Sure is hot down here.